I did a photo shoot in the box, and it changed the direction of all of my creative expression.
The story is extremely mundane. I just needed a few pieces of furniture for my place, and when those pieces arrived, I realized they came in a box that is bigger than me. I have never seen anything like that in my life. As a photographer, I immediately had the idea of doing a photo shoot based on contrast. When we think about boxes, we think about moving, or we think about not having the resources to use better materials. Boxes are about something either dirty or cheap. I wanted to match that with a very feminine style and a bright yellow dress.
That dress is, in so many ways, symbolic for me. When I just moved to Canada, I only had one suitcase, mostly filled with sportswear: durable, warm, and black. Having just that made me grieve my normal life, when I had a whole wardrobe of different clothes. One of the first things I bought was this bright yellow dress. It was pretty pricey for me back then – $200 for a very impractical bright yellow dress, which I had no reason to wear. Frankly, I was in a mental state where I didn't want to draw attention to myself.
I couldn't handle being so noticeable, but I also needed hope. I needed connection with something normal, something from my previous life.
It was more of a symbol. I hung it on the bathroom door and just looked at it. Since yellow is my happy color, the dress became another yellow thing that cheered me up. Then I put it in a closet for years. I even tried to sell it twice, but I couldn't – for whatever reason. Maybe because it was a symbol after all.
As I saw those boxes arrive, I immediately remembered the dress. For me, the photo shoot was symbolic again, but in a different way. Immigration and moving – the package arrives, the box opens, and there is still me in a dress. The deeper message was about finally getting out of the box of the ideas I had about myself.
This is way bigger than moving countries. This metaphor is about 42 years of ideas I accepted as mine, even though they weren't. Mostly historical ideas. Mostly societal ideas. Something that family, friends, or the environment taught me: how to be and what I should be.
Getting out of the box in that bright dress meant finally leaving that old box behind and being myself in the world, regardless of how weird that looks. It meant being unreasonably visible. Wearing something girly and bright while getting out of an ordinary, dirty package.
I thought about doing a more formal photo shoot to represent myself – the conventional idea being a certain formal standard that is basically dry and lifeless. At least it's safe, because everyone does the same thing and there's nothing for people to judge. But when I looked at these pictures, I realized that being on the floor in the box, in this dress, showed my character immediately. It showed that I don't hide from being raw, or from being on the ground – literally or in any other sense. There is a feminine and aesthetic component that is still a part of me, and I can absolutely be sitting on the floor if needed – but I won't be too worried about the dress. Simultaneously, external conditions will not give me a reason not to wear it. I am me in the box, or out of it, in the dress, or in anything else.
When I saw those pictures on my website, I realized this is exactly what I represent.
This is the perfect metaphor for my philosophy: both getting out of the box of historical ideas and patterns, and authoring your own being – deciding, on your own terms, who you are – regardless of where you came from.
Yellow is my happy color, and this is about being connected to joy even when the conditions are mundane and life makes it hard. How I posed there also matters – I was pretty free, just enjoying the moment. I wasn't adjusting to the box. I wasn't posing as someone who belongs to the box – neither a person who lives in one, nor someone whose life is about hauling them.
I come from a background of humble living. I have been through tough moments myself, and I have also been through the most beautiful ones. For me, it has never been either/or. Life can be drastically different, and the authentic self quite often goes through both. What matters more is what we make of it, not where we are in life or how shiny our experience is. And I wasn't pretending to be a princess. I was me, in the dress, and out of the box.
No formal photo shoot can be just as accurate as this visual. And I think I will be using it not only for my photography website, but most probably for my other business websites too.